I have recently become a first time father, about nine and a half months ago, to a beautiful baby girl named Daltrey. It is by far the most rewarding and most challenging thing I have ever done. I was the guy who really wouldn't even hold babies, afraid I would break them. But now that I have my own child, it is like a flip was switched. I even hold other babies now. My wife would probably describe me as being somewhat selfish and she's probably right, but I think I am getting better as of about 18 and a half months ago.
I would say my brother and I had a pretty traditional upbringing and stereotypical gender roles growing up. I'm 33 years old, a little older than most of the others in class, so race and gender were not discussed much on the four television channels we had before got cable, and its 30-plus channels. My brother picked up the interest in cars and DIY that may dad introduced us, but I really just loved sports. My wife is an only child. She was on the pom squad in high school and she is twice the "handy-man" that I am.
All this to say that all I want for my daughter is for her to be happy. If she is a lesbian, great! If she wants to wear dresses and be a cheerleader, great! If she wants to be a softball player or play rugby and have boyfriends, great! If she wants to combine all these things, good luck! I don't care, its not my decision. I don't want to push her into something that she has no interest in even if all the other girls are doing it. I'd rather her still be my friend and want to take care of me when I need it on down the line. I just want to introduce her to new things and cultures and countries and hope that she is even more open-minded than I.
I know we didn't comment on blogs today but some of the things you said really caught my attention. My father is my best friend and you could absolutely call me a daddy's girl. We have had a very rocky relationship in the past, years I wish I could get back and things I wish I had never said. Through everything, he has been there with me and has always been my number one supporter. I have made far more mistakes than I like to admit and he has never loved me any less. I have been through a lot in my life and seen a ton of very hard times, and without my dad I am not quite sure where I would be. I am not an easy child to have by any means, I am scared to have children for the reason of Karma- they would be like me or worse. My dad hates the way I dress, wishes I didn't spend so much money and at times does not agree AT ALL with my lifestyle. He is my exact opposite. I do not agree with his views on religion, lifestyle, or sexual preference. I wish he understood why I need new outfits for everything and why it is vital to get my nails done every two weeks. I feel at times we see eye to eye on absolutely nothing, but I am his biggest fan because he has unconditional love for me. My dad is the one person I can count on. The one person I know sees me for good when I am at my worse. The role you will play in your daughters life will be rewarding to her, even if at times you can't see it. I wish you the best of luck with your family and appreciate your post!
ReplyDeleteI was hoping we would check the blogs even though there was no assignment.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lauren.
ReplyDeleteI really like your viewpoints in your blog post here. I stated a similar thing in my blog so this one caught my eye. I really agree with you. It's really admirable that you would take the stance that allows her to choose whatever life she wants and you would still support her. I think that's spot on on how things should be.
ReplyDeleteIf she wants to be a lesbian, or a cheerleader, or a softball player, or all three, good luck to her. I really admire that stance man.
And I also think its even cooler that you were brought up in a traditional lifestyle. It made me think about a few of my friends who were also brought up in a traditional family that wouldn't think this way. I guess it all comes down to your life experiences and how you've come to form your opinion on how things should work.
Unconditional love is essential in a father to daughter/son relationship, no matter what they want to do, or how they end up being loving them for just who they are is the best...I think sometimes this gets overlooked with how parents expect so much out of their kids...I think my brother to some extent has suffered due to the expectations I set ahead of him, and it's kind of sad to me......anyways, I liked your post.
Andy,
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I’m not a parent … I don’t even have a girlfriend. But I wonder if I would feel the same way. It takes a very selfless person to want their children to do exactly as they want. Do you not have hopes and dreams for your daughter? Is there nothing you and your wife have envisioned your child being? Would it be difficult if your daughter did turn out to a lesbian (nothing wrong with that) but then you realized you weren’t going to be grandparents? Maybe you’re just more selfless than I am.
I think parenting is changing and I hear this more and more often—whatever my child intends to do, great! It might be a generation thing, which makes parents wish for their children what they did not have themselves growing up.
ReplyDeleteIn my setting, most parents who grew up under colonialism did not have the chance to go to school and all they wanted was for their kids to get an education. In that way, you had parents pleading with their kids growing up that they become teacher or a nurse, or doctor—professions that were exclusively for white masters before many African countries’ independence.
But matters of lifestyle in my setting are fixed. There is no room for deviation and your parents, your family, society, the county—everyone—will disown you in quick succession should you ever come out to say you are gay! Well, in Africa being gay is a ‘Whiteman’s disease’ that is punishable by imprisonment.
But then, I have come to notice, it’s not an easy subject here in America either and America is the land of the free. Gay and lesbian people face some of the many challenges African gay and lesbians face—being ostracized from larger society.
So it’s refreshing to read Andy’s blog here, where he is unequivocal that whatever lifestyle his daughter chooses to live, let her be. There are more important things in life to worry about.
I guess there are other parents who wish they had your perspective on life, who tried to force their will on their kids and the result was a broken down relationship between parent and child.
Or, I am sure, many daughters out there wishing you were their dad!